We will now discuss pickleball, because pickleball is the only thing that matters now. Pickleball, pickleball, pickleball. The Final Four, Opening Day, new NFL rules—none of it stands a chance against a good old racket-borne Tupperware fight. By media edict, I am required to mention pickleball at least 20 times per day, or there is a penalty, which is having to mention pickleball 40 times a day. On Sunday, April 2, former pickleball hater John McEnroe —“I think it sucks,” Mac said last September—will compete against fellow tennis geezers Andre Agassi, Andy Roddick and Michael Chang in a tournament at a Florida casino with a purse of $1 million.

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